The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence) (2015)

The Human Centipede III

IMDB rate: 3,2
Genre: Mad Scientist, Comedic
Starring: Dieter Laser, Laurence R. Harvey, Eric Roberts, Bree Olson

The Human Centipede.. what a ride it has been. It started with the first Human Centipede movie which turned out to be the only movie from The Netherlands that I actually somewhat liked. The story was original and it all worked out pretty good I think. The second Human Centipede (The Full Sequence) movie was actually just plain awful. It really was just made to shock and had no interesting value whatsoever. The third movie was an entirely different story though, for some reason it tries to be comedic and tries to make fun of itself. It's not horror at all anymore, it's not shocking, disgusting or anything close to the first two parts. It tries to be funny, but fails at that pretty badly as well.

Bully prison warden Bill Boss, leading a big state prison in the USA, has a lot of problems; his prison statistically has the highest amount of prison riots, medical costs and staff turnover in the country. But foremost he is unable to get the respect he thinks he deserves from his inmates and the state Governor. He constantly fails in experimenting with different ideas for the ideal punishment to get the inmates in line, which drives him, together with the sizzling heat, completely insane. Under threats of termination by the Governor, his loyal right hand man Dwight comes up with a brilliant idea. A revolutionary idea which could change the American prison system for good and save billions of dollars. An idea based on the notorious Human Centipede movies, that will literally and figuratively get the inmates on their knees, creating the ultimate punishment and deterrent for anyone considering a life of crime. Having nothing to lose, Bill and Dwight create a jaw-dropping 500-person prison centipede.

While I thought Dieter Laser performed excellent in the first part, I was annoyed as hell watching him in this movie. Sure, maybe he played his role as lunatic prison boss well, but it was hard to look at that while being annoyed so much. His shouting, screaming and blurting did not make sense most of the time. Sidekick Laurence R Harvey had a role with more lines this movie, but while I hated The Human Centipede II, I thought his silence role was more impressive compared to this cartoon-like performance.

Speaking of cartoon-like, I think the whole movie is comparable with a bad cartoon. Everything happening is over-the-top and doesn't make sense whatsoever. The dialogues are as unimaginative as in a bad cartoon and so are most performances. I think the best word for this movie is immature.

The first Human Centipede was a shocking and refreshing movie in my opinion, I liked it a lot. The second Human Centipede didn't make a whole lot of sense but certainly didn't fail to shock. The third Human Centipede however was boring, unimaginative and not fun to watch at all. It didn't even try to shock which I thought was a shame.

I like shocking movies, they often bring what others couldn't. A human centipede of 500 persons isn't more shocking than the one of 3 persons, or 12 for that matter. It all comes to the same conclusion which is that it's just a chain of people eating each others shit. This movie tries to make fun of itself, but really it's just 2 hours of useless screaming surrounded with... no story at all actually. In my opinion just watch the first movie and avoid the other two, maybe if you're into shocking shit without any story whatsoever watch the second one, but the third one, just a big no.

My rate: 1/10

Tusk (2014)

Tusk

IMDB rate: 5,6

Genre: Comedic, Monster, Mad Scientist

Starring: Justin Long, Michael Parks, Johnny Depp, Haley Joel Smith
My rate: 3,5/10

Kevin Smith, also known as Silent Bob, just made a step further into the horror genre. I am a huge fan of his movies Clerks and Dogma. I even thought Red State was a fairly good movie, although it's not comedic in any way, which isn't much like Kevin Smith's usual work. With the Tusk trailer being released I must say that I was somewhat excited to see it, mainly because it seemed pretty ridiculous and kinda fun as well, plus it was made by Kevin Smith. I must say that it was a pretty ridiculous movie indeed, but unfortunately it was not funny at any point. There are movies that are 'so bad, it's good', I expected Tusk to be one of them but unfortunately this wasn't the case at all. I don't necessarily think every Kevin Smith movie is good, some I didn't enjoy very much such as as Chasing Amy. But with Tusk I must say that it definitely Kevin Smith's worst movie. The worst part? It's being made into a trilogy. 

Unfortunately the movie is not funny at any point. Okay, maybe once or twice I had a little chuckle, but really that's about it. It's filled with Canadian jokes, which weren't very original or funny at any moment. The big attraction to this movie is of course big star Johnny Depp who plays a weird Canadian detective, his character is pretty much constructed from every Canadian-stereotype you can think of, which is pretty tiresome after awhile. I must admit that in the first few minutes of Guy Lapointe's appearance I didn't recognize Johnny Depp, but after awhile his usual acting habits appeared and it became pretty obvious that the guy was Johnny Depp. 

I must say that for a long while I claimed that my favorite actor of all time was Johnny Depp, but the last few years his movies have been rubbish. The last fun movie I've seen of him are the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' ones and that's already quite some time ago (I don't count the fourth one, didn't like that one very much). I do like his older work a lot though, movies as Edward Scissorhands, Chocolat, Finding Neverland and Sleepy Hollow. The reason why I think I don't like him a whole lot anymore is because of the characters he plays. He always plays the weird ones, which was fun for awhile but now it's just becoming normal. Johnny Depp in another weird character, whoop'difuckingdoo.

The Tusk cast is pretty nice, the crazy Walrus man is being played by Michael Parks (Kill Bill, Red State, Django Unchained), not a bad actor at all and he has a magnificent voice. The problem with his voice however is that Kevin Smith seems to enjoy it as well, meaning that the dialogues spoken by Michael Parks are pretty much never-ending, which was also the case with Red State. Other roles are played by Justin Long (Accepted, Jeepers Creepers) who plays the ultimate douchebag, I don't hate him as an actor though. A surprising face to see was Haley Joel Osment, the cute little kid from Sixth Sense. However, he's not very cute anymore, still a good actor though.

Kevin Smith was always a writer that added a lot of dialogue into his movies, but the last few movies have contained more of a background story as well. I think he's trying to reach Quentin Tarantino's level with this kind of movie-making. The problem is that Kevin Smith just does not seem to be very good in creating the background story. Tusk almost seems like a parody to the Human Centipede, which isn't necessarily a bad concept, but it just didn't work out at all. When the transformation is complete is looks somewhat unsettling, but is in no way as disturbing as the Human Centipede.

I already mentioned this but Tusk will be followed by two sequels, which will be part of the 'True North' collection. The next installment is 'Yoga Hosers' with the main characters being played by Depp's and Smith's daughters. These two were also briefly in Tusk, and as far I could tell they weren't good actresses at all. They seemed very awkward and I just can't imagine the two being main characters. The third installment is 'Moose Jaws', which doesn't sound very promising either.

I heard rumors that this trilogy is only being made because Kevin Smith needed some money to be able to make Clerks 3, and I truly hope that this is the case. I am a big fan of Clerks and a third movie would be awesome. Even though I'm looking forward to Clerks 3, Tusk was definitely not a success for Kevin Smith and I doubt the next two part will be better. The movie has a good cast which solid acting skills, the dialogue is perhaps a bit long but not bad or anything. Unfortunately the whole concept of Tusk is horrible, the walrus is weird looking, the movie isn't funny and the characters are highly irritating. 

Review: The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011)

The Human Centipede II

IMDB rate: 3,9

Genre: Mad Scientist, Torture

Click here for The Human Centipede review

If you've read my review about the first Human Centipede, you know that I liked it. It's perhaps the only movie coming from The Netherlands that I truly enjoyed. It's a weird movie, it's disgusting, but it's also original and quite good. As you can imagine I was curious about the sequel, the centipede would be longer so in my opinion that would become even more awesome. But I can only say that I was incredibly wrong. 

The Human Centipede II is a real awful movie. The first movie at least tried to make a believable story, with good effects and reasonable acting. This movie is just bad. It's purely made to shock people, it has absolutely no logic in it at all. 

"Martin is a mentally disturbed loner who lives with his mother in a bleak housing project. He works the night shift as a security guard in an equally grim and foreboding underground parking complex. To escape his dreary existence, Martin loses himself in the fantasy world of the cult horror film The Human Centipede, fetishizing the meticulous surgical skills of the gifted Dr. Heiter, whose knowledge of the human gastrointestinal system inspires Martin to attempt the unthinkable."

The biggest part of this movie is replaying the first movie. This Martin dude is obsessed with it and watches it over and over again, which means, the viewer of the sequel watches it over and over again as well. It's not very refreshing for a movie if it's mostly replaying the first part.

The script was just not good. Martin didn't talk for the entire movie, and the ones who did talk were incredibly unbelievable. The dialogues are unrealistic, random and mostly weird. This was especially when his mother was involved. A weird scene, involving his mother, was when she starts stabbing his bed where she thought he was laying, a second later she's cutting her wrists and another second later she's acting as if it doesn't hurt her but she does get upset because of a weird book under his bed. It really was one of the most random scenes I've ever seen. 

The movie is incredibly slow. I already mentioned that most of it consists of replaying the first part. The other half consists of a not talking nasty main character who is really messed up. I literally waited for a hour for something to happen, there were only 32 minutes left when finally something slightly interesting happened. 

This guy is bashing everyone's heads in and still expects them to be alive, at least one of them should have gained a head trauma which caused them to faint every few minutes I think. 

The Human Centipede II is really just made to shock people. The first part actually had a story and wasn't necessarily made for it's gore and violent, while this movie just loves it that much that it forgets to make a decent story. There are some incredibly visually disturbing images. At one point I think Tom Six forgot that he was making a sequel to The Human Centipede and just continued in making something like A Serbian Film or something. 

It's a shame that this movie is like it is, I think it could've been a reasonable movie. I'm really terrified for the third part after watching this. What I liked about the first movie was that almost every scene was filmed in nicely lighted rooms, giving a real twisted vibe because it showed something sick. This movie is filmed entirely in black and white which should make it feel more scary according to Tom Six, but really it just seems amateurish and lame, fake arthouse-ish. 

There's absolutely nothing to like about this movie. It's gross and just bad. The first half tells about the mad life of this creepy dude whose gathering people, the other half is just a terrible imitation of A Serbian Film. I'm not even sure if I will ever watch the third movie, it can only become more terrible than this movie. Don't waste your time on this.

My personal rate: 1/10

Review: American Horror Story: Asylum [Season 2]

American Horror Story

Season 2

IMDB rate: 8,5

Genre: Possession, Mad Scientist, TV Show

It has been sometime since my last American Horror Story review, the one about season 1. I think that American Horror Story deserves a review for each season, since every one is about some different subject and isn't related in anyway to the previous seasons.

I know I'm a bit late with my review, I already watched it quite some time ago but I never really felt like writing a review about it. Yesterday I watched the last episode of season 3, so I figured that it had to be done. 

I know that the opinions are very different for everyone, personally I liked the first season best, including the third season, and I liked the third season best after that, which makes this season my least favorite one this far. 

The most noticeable thing about American Horror Story are the actors. There are a few main actors who show up in (almost) every season, not a strange thing of course, but what does make it strange is the fact that every season has a different subject. This means that there are new characters and new supernatural things going on, but still with the same people. I must admit that it was a bit strange for me at first, especially in the second season, but in the third one I was already used to it. The problem with this setup could be that you're starting to make comparisons a lot easier. In a way, 'oh I liked her character better in the first one', things like that.
I've said this already in my previous review, but again I want to mention the incredible acting of Evan Peters and Jessica Lange. Other ones that I would like to mention are Sarah Paulson, Lily Rabe and Lizzie Brochere.

American Horror Story definitely has a great cast.

I thought this season wasn't very good to be honest. Probably not an opinion that's appreciated a whole lot, since most people liked this one most. I thought it was messy. It was messy in the first one, but almost everything was linked back to something, so there weren't a whole lot loose ties. With this season I felt like they threw in 20 random stuff and failed to explain these happenings. 

There were the aliens, sure it could be good but that wasn't rounded up completely. Then there are these creatures created, also, very scary but they weren't shown a whole lot, and they just seemed very random as well. Or the Anne Frank part, personally I loved that part of the season, but again it seemed thrown in quite randomly, since it only lasted two episodes or so. And this is definitely not everything yet, there was so much more stuff that was random and not really relevant.

If I have to choose an episode that I liked best I would choose for the 'I Am Anne Frank: Part 1 & 2'. But like I already mentioned, the Anne Frank part was thrown in kinda random and it was very interesting, but if it was a bit more expanded it would be even better. 

I wouldn't say that this season was very bad or anything. It was entertaining, all these things going on are always fun to see. And of course the actors are all amazing. But a better connecting storyline would have made it so much better. My review of season 3 will be up this week I think, I liked 3 a lot more so it's a bit more positive compared to this one ;).

My personal rate: 7,5/10

Review: The Human Centipede (2009)

The Human Centipede

IMDB rate: 4,6

Genre: Mad Scientist

It was time to watch The Human Centipede again, the very shocking movie from The Netherlands; the country where I come from! You see, this might be the only Dutch movie that I like, mainly because there are no Dutch actors in it. I live in this country but when I watch a movie from my own country (spoken in Dutch) I can't understand a thing of what they say, so weird. Anyway, that's why this is the only Dutch movie that I like. It's super brutal and very sick. But I liked it. Why? Because it's a very original (but ridiculous) idea.
I think the rating is too low for this movie, because I quite liked it. It's not the best movie I've ever seen, but it's a fairly decent and a very shocking movie. Something that's not seen very often anymore.
I get that some people get disgusted by this movie, but it's just not a movie for everybody.

Two pretty but ditsy American girls are on a road trip through Europe. In Germany, they end up alone at night with a broken car in the woods. They search for help and find an isolated villa. The next day, they awaken to find themselves trapped in a terrifying makeshift basement hospital along with a Japanese man. An older German man identifies himself as a retired surgeon specialized in separating Siamese twins. However, his three "patients" are not about to be separated but joined together in a horrific operation. He plans to be the first person to connect people via their gastric systems. By doing so, he plans to bring to life his sick lifetime fantasy, the human centipede.

First of all, the acting. I think it's an excellent choice to cast Dieter Laser as Dr. Heiter. He is one scary dude and even looking at him gives me goosebumps. He has the ultimate mad scientist look which is of course very useful for this role. His acting was simply brilliant.
Then the two girls. I did not like them. Their acting was horrible the first part of the movie (the part where they still were able to talk). Also they were so dumb. I can't stand movies where someone has the opportunity to escape (and get help) and instead they go back to save someone. Why do they not understand that getting help is much more useful!
There's not much to say about the Japanese guy, since he's only talking Japanese. All I know is that I find his character very annoying with the Japanese screaming the entire time. I do not get why Dr. Heiter puts him in front of the 'centipede', since he's not able to speak one word English. Quite annoying.

I kinda have respect for these actors because this might be one of the most uncomfortable acting jobs ever.

Of course there are many things in this movie that can't be right, for example surviving longer than a few days in that 'centipede' condition. Or that Dr. Heiter finds 3 matching flesh types where he only needed to kill one guy for. It's just too impossible. 

Also, it's very unlikely that the cops react this way. Especially when the cop found the anesthetic that Dr. Heiter brought with him, it's very unbelievable that the cop wouldn't pull his gun or anything. He might be an even worse cop than Dewey (from Scream). 

Even though there are many inaccurate things in this movie I did not find it very bothering. After all, there are not many horror movies that are 100% medically accurate.

I have not seen the sequel yet but I'm planning on watching it very soon. An even longer human centipede must be incredibly disgusting; therefore, more interesting. 

Personally, I enjoyed watching this movie a lot. It's an absolute ridiculous idea, but I liked it. It's very original and very fucked up. The acting of the 'villain' is absolutely brilliant. 

Unfortunately some of the actors are not that great, this made the movie less enjoyable for me. Also, some parts are just too unbelievable and annoying.

The Human Centipede is definitely not a movie for everyone. You need a very strong stomach and at least a bit of a sense of humor. 

My personal rate: 6,5/10